Tucker max Quotes - QuotesSweet | quotesweet.com

Author: Tucker Max
Quotes of Author: Tucker Max

Tucker Max _ I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
Did you hear the nonsensical prattle spewing from her pie-hole?
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Tucker Max _ Hilarity Ensues
it's like a mini Bourbon Street with less culture and more disgusting hookers.
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Tucker Max _ Hilarity Ensues
Of course, I'm not a doctor; I just watch a lot of ER and House.
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Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First
5:15 I have never put makeup on. It's hard. "You assholes are crowding my mirror space. Gimme some room, I keep smearing my blush." Everyone's glares at me. I feel like a gay homosexual.
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Tucker Max _ I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
she was quite promiscuous, to the point where dating her was similar to the experience of sitting on a warm toilet seat:
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Tucker Max _ Mate: Become the Man Women
The poet John Ciardi pointed out, "Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at women and persuade themselves they have a better idea.
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Tucker Max _ Mate: Become the Man Women
The first step off this downward spiral is to acknowledge these bad feelings as natural. When women feel this way, our society has sympathy, and Oprah gives them cars. But when men feel this way, our society demonizes these feelings as signs of weakness, amplifying the shame and self-judgment, repeating the macho advice to "suck it up" and "get over it." This bullshit makes the problem worse. It's impossible to pull yourself out of depression by your bootstraps when all you want to do is hang yourself with them. Bad advice can't fix bad feelings, and neither can ignoring those feelings. Don't try to push them away or pretend they're not there. These feelings evolved to protect us from harm, like our fight-or-flight responses.
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Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First
I prefer to keep fooling myself, at least for a little while longer.
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Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First
credit, youre jewish, your best friend is black, and your girlfriend is a cheating whore. Even if I wore gay, I'd still have it better than you.
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Tucker Max _ Sloppy Seconds: The Tucker Max
While at the University of Chicago a couple of friends and I went to dinner at some restaurant in China Town night. Oblivious to the fact that my idiocy can be heard outside of a five-foot radius, I started in with the "You been here four hour. You go now," routine. Ha ha, we all laugh because infantile racism is funny. A little while later I walked back to the bathroom, and as I went down the hall to the "Male Room," I passed this rickety open door. I peered in to see two little Chinese kids looking at me, holding their eyes wide open with their fingers {to give a Caucasian look}, and saying: "Hot Dogs! Baseball! Hot Dogs! Baseball!" I laughed so hard, I almost didn't make it to the bathroom. You win this round, Chinese kids.
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Tucker Max _ Sloppy Seconds: The Tucker Max
Here's to the women we've met, and to the women we've fucked, And to those amongst us who've had no such luck. Here's to beer in the glass, and vodka in the cup, Here's to pokin' her in the ass, so she won't get knocked up. Here's to all of you, and here's to me, Together as friends we'll always be, But if we should ever disagree, Then FUCK ALL OF YOU, HERE'S TO ME!
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Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First
FUCK. This is not good. I'm allergic to whiskey. I think maybe I should explain this to her, and request a different alcohol. Then I remember that I am awesome. Even fighting through anaphylactic shock, I can STILL bury this emotionally unstable, bulimic undergrad.
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