In short I tried to think. I failed. My attention veered inexorably back to the
specific, to the tangible, to what was generally considered, by everyone I knew then and
for that matter have known since, the peripheral. I would try to contemplate the Hegelian
dialectic and would find myself concentrating instead on a flowering pear tree outside my
window and the particular way the petals fell on my floor. I would try to read linguistic
theory and would find myself wondering instead if the lights were on in the bevatron up
the hill. When I say that I was wondering if the lights were on in the bevatron you might
immediately suspect, if you deal in ideas at all, that I was registering the bevatron as a
political symbol, thinking in shorthand about the military-industrial complex and its rol
specific, to the tangible, to what was generally considered, by everyone I knew then and
for that matter have known since, the peripheral. I would try to contemplate the Hegelian
dialectic and would find myself concentrating instead on a flowering pear tree outside my
window and the particular way the petals fell on my floor. I would try to read linguistic
theory and would find myself wondering instead if the lights were on in the bevatron up
the hill. When I say that I was wondering if the lights were on in the bevatron you might
immediately suspect, if you deal in ideas at all, that I was registering the bevatron as a
political symbol, thinking in shorthand about the military-industrial complex and its rol
( Joan Didion )
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