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Book: When You Are Engulfed in Flames
Quotes of Book: When You Are Engulfed in
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  1. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    Oh, for Christ's sake," I hear. "Can we please just try to have a good time?" This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it.
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  2. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    North Carolina is temperate and populated with well-meaning people; therefore I will engage in oral sex with another man.
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  3. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    What they do at 6:00 a.m. is anyone's guess. I only know that they're incredibly self-righteous about it and talk about the dawn as if it's a personal reward, bestowed on account of their great virtue.
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  4. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    It was, I thought, what evil must smell like.
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  5. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    It was like watching someone you hate getting mugged: three seconds of hard-core violence, and when it was over you just wanted it to happen again.
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  6. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires.
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  7. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    To be fair, he had never actually promised to be monogamous. That was my idea, and though I tried my hardest to convert him, the allure of other people was just too great.
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  8. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    My confessions did nothing to alter this situation, but for the first time in my life I felt that somebody actually knew me. Three somebodies, to be exact. Two were roaming the highway in a Cadillac, doing God knows what with a CB radio, but the other was as close to me as my own skin, and I could now feel the undiluted pleasure of her company.
    book-quotetruthpleasurehonesty

  9. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    I am not a terribly physical person. Helen wasn't either. We'd never hugged or even shaken hands, so it was odd to find myself rubbing her bare shoulder and then her back. It was, I though, like stroking some sort of sea creature, the flesh slick and fatty beneath my palms. In my memory, there was something on the stove, a cauldron of tomato gravy, and the smell of it mixed with the camphor of the Tiger Balm. The windows were steamed, Tony Bennett was on the radio, and saying, 'Please,' her voice catching on the newness of the word, Helen asked me to turn it up."
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  10. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    The bow tie is like the pierced eyebrow of the Republican party.
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  11. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    What ultimately did me in was the self-adhesive condom. Putting it on was no problem, but its removal qualified as what, in certain cultures, is known as a bris. Wear it once, and you'll need a solid month to fully recover. It will likely be a month in which you'll weigh the relative freedom of peeing in your pants against the unsightly discomfort of a scab-covered penis, ultimately realizing that, in terms of a convenient accessory,
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  12. David Sedaris _ When You Are Engulfed in

    The third guest, a poet, had recently published a memoir about her cancer and the many operations performed in an effort to reconstruct her jaw.
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