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Book: Barrel Fever
Quotes of Book: Barrel Fever
TOP TAGS :near-deathten-commandmentsnew-adultvulturedexhealthwaygood-morning

  1. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    The offices were like a national holding center for the trainably banal, occupied by people who decorated their cubicles with quilted, heart-shaped picture frames and those tiny plush bears with the fierce spring grip that cling to lamps and computer terminals, personalized to read "Terri's bear" or "I wuv you very beary much!
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  2. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    He secretly thinks he looks like Marlon Brando, but take a good look a young Marlin Perkins is more like it! Maybe that's what he sees in Annette Kelper-he's an animal lover.
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  3. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    Dad said that the guy who can play guitar is going to be the life of the party. He's confusing life with death.
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  4. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    He has a point there, that's harsh. Unfortunately, they never gave him a medal for it and as a result he brings it up time and time again.
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  5. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    The real life of the party is flattened beneath the bed, taping actual sex encounters, not sitting cross-legged on the floor with a guitar, embarrassing himself and others.
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  6. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    And it's bad enough to be caught in your underpants but even worse to be caught in your underpants scratching out a valium prescription on someone else's pad.
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  7. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    Isn't that sweet of my only son to travel all this way so he can whine about his pathetic little friend? Maybe if I weren't strapped to my deathbed I could muster up the strength to give a damn.
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  8. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    Here I've given him a good eight inches and a shot at immortality and he'll turn on me the same way he did last year when I asked him to pose for a few nude sketches. Ingrate
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  9. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    Poor, chubby Annette Kelper, who desperately tries to pretend that nobody notices the fact that she's balding on top of her head. That's right. Look closely - balding just like a man. Perhaps Randy feels sorry for chrome-dome Annette.
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  10. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    if you think too hard about anything it's bound to take the fun out of it.
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  11. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    You're the man now," she said to me after my father died, "you're the man." Then she turned to Popeye, our calico tom, and said, "You're the cat now, Popeye, you're the cat,
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  12. David Sedaris _ Barrel Fever

    On the off chance my caller would tell me to quit drinking, I positioned myself on the sofa with two six-packs and a bottle of nice scotch. Then I turned on the TV and ate a sandwich made from leftover chicken lo mein. I call it a Chanwich.
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