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Author: Steve Martin
Quotes of Author: Steve Martin
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  1. Steve Martin _ Born Standing Up: A Comic's

    In logic class, I opened my textbook-the last place I was expecting to find comic inspiration-and was startled to find that Lewis Carroll, the supremely witty author of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, was also a logician. He wrote logic textbooks and included argument forms based on the syllogism, normally presented in logic books this way: All men are mortal. Socrates is a man. _________________________________ Therefore, Socrates is mortal. But Carroll's were more convoluted, and they struck me as funny in a new way: 1} Babies are illogical. 2} Nobody is despised who can manage a crocodile. 3} Illogical persons are despised. __________________________________________ Therefore, babies cannot manage crocodiles. And: 1} No interesting poems are unpopular among people of real taste. 2} No modern poetry is free from affectation. 3} All your poems are on the subject of soap bubbles. 4} No affected poetry is popular among people of taste. 5} Only a modern poem would be on the subject of soap bubbles. __________________________________________ Therefore, all your poems are uninteresting.
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  2. Steve Martin _ The Ten, Make That Nine,

    A watched iPhone never syncs.
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  3. Steve Martin _ Born Standing Up: A Comic's

    career in the irrational world of creativity not only made sense but had moral purpose.
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  4. Steve Martin _ The Ten, Make That Nine,

    At the mall. Think I'll do some rehearsing. Lie on sidewalk, get into "dead guy" character. Quite hard to do without chalk outline.
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  5. Steve Martin _ The Ten, Make That Nine,

    How's the uh..uh..{look at palm} SCREENPLAY going… uh..uh..{racking brain} LESLIE NIELSEN." Yipes. Or:
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  6. Steve Martin _ The Ten, Make That Nine,

    Rehearsing at home for tomorrow's CSI cameo, "face down dead body without a chalk outline." Maid screams. Wife calls lawyer, then 911.
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  7. Steve Martin _ The Ten, Make That Nine,

    Did not go well at mall. Passerby said, "how's the screenplay goin', Steve?" Worried about tomorrow's performance on CSI… and Emmy.
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  8. Steve Martin _ The Ten, Make That Nine,

    It's late. Need place to rehearse Dead Guy. I lie at bottom of stairs. Wife comes home. Do I break character? Never. She dials shrink.
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  9. Steve Martin _ The Ten, Make That Nine,

    Next phase of weight loss program: Brazilian Butt Workout. I've looked at a hundred photos. So far, not working.
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  10. Steve Martin _ The Ten, Make That Nine,

    There's a rumor that a recent Oscar host is going to play Catwoman. Waiting by my phone for the call.
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  11. Steve Martin _ The Ten, Make That Nine,

    Preparing for Catwoman role by leaping off roof into shrub. On third try, I managed to hit the shrub.
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  12. Steve Martin _ The Ten, Make That Nine,

    iPhone just synced perfectly with toaster. All is well.
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