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Book: To Die For
Quotes of Book: To Die For
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  1. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    Stoical' is the best word to describe her reaction to these compliments, Emma putting up with them as of they were one of my unfortunate foibles.
    book-quotestoicstoicismcompliment

  2. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    I want to kiss the bottom of the ocean before I burst through its surface into the sunlight. Otherwise I'll always be wondering about what was left unseen at the bottom.
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  3. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    Emma cites the structure of the {Eating Disorder} Unit as being important to her decision to disengage from her illness, and the fact that she felt safe in it, and cared for.'It was the first time I'd been in an environment where I felt comfortabe with all the people around me. I felt "I can be here and I can talk to anybody" and that was something that had been missing from my life'.
    book-quoteeating-disordereating-disorder-causesanorexia-recovery

  4. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    The reasons for Emma's illness and for her decision to allow life in, rather than die, are intertwined and involve the beginnings of her feelings of belonging, of safety and of competence to be in the world.
    book-quotemental-illnesseating-disordereating-disorder-recovery

  5. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    I think maybe they come out into the grounds in nightwear. But no, in typical anorexic stype they have read the fashion magazines literally. This is their version of thin girls in strappy clothes.The girl in the petticoat talks to me, as Emma has done on occsasion, in a rather grand style, as if she is a 'lady' of some substance and I a visiting guest.Do they chat much about clothes? I ask Emma in the car.She shakes her head.So, does she, Emma, see the difference between underwear or nightwear and 'going out' clothes?'Yes,' she says, her voices strained again. 'But it's one of the things you don't know properly when you're ill and confused. You see these pictures and the people in the magazines are real for you.
    book-quoterealitymental-illnessanorexia-nervosa

  6. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    She fails to see who I am, even, for her eyes do not, will not, take me in. Instead they transmit a powerful message. She is like a billboard flashing, starkly: 'Keep Out'.
    book-quotemental-illnessisolationemotional-distance

  7. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    Why should I, why should anyone, expect her to go on fighting in this way, torn apart, minute by minute? Although I want her to live, I do not believe I have the right to impose it on her, to demand it.Struggling to find a response to her cries for help, one which does not deny her pain or collude with it, I say no one who cares about her would ask her to do what is too difficult.
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  8. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    Locking away appetite, anger, the fullness of life, anorexia helps cover up whatever struggles inside. With its controlling bouts of bingeing and starvation, of trance and half-life, it becomes a shield to fend off despair and longing and what most of use would see as ordinary responsible behavior.
    book-quotemental-illnesseating-disorderbinge-eating

  9. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    While she is still hospitalised, I take Emma out for strengthening walks, for her muscles and been under-used for a long time. She is sometimes breathless, I notice with concern, and there are other changes in her, either through a nerve her therapy touches, or through her illness, or both, which make her, quite often, disagreeable to be with.
    book-quotemental-illnessanorexiaanorexic

  10. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    Emma says her illness was a kind of self-hypnosis which obliterated the outside world, a way of escaping life and reducing its proportions to what she could manage.
    book-quoteanorexia-nervosa

  11. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    Whatever it was her father wanted, Emma did not know how to provide it. She felt confused by what he did, and imagined the problem was a lack in her, rather than him. And there was something else:
    book-quotefatheremotional-neglectworthlessness

  12. Carol Lee _ To Die For

    There was another problem with Emma's father, difficult for a small child who already thought of herself as greedy - his way of trying to keep her attention, to bribe her, with gifts. On each vof her visits, he would appear with you presents, beautifully wrapped> And her confusion that she liked - and wanted - the presents, but not the man, was painful. He used 'sparkly Sellotape' and cut things into nice shapes and she wistfully writes:
    book-quoteemotional-neglectemotional-painconfusion
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