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Book: Don't Get Too Comfortable: The Indignities of Coach Class, The Torments of Low Thread Count, The Never-Ending Quest for Artisanal Olive Oil, and Other First World Problems
Quotes of Book: Don't Get Too Comfortable: The
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  1. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    It has been a good while since 12:00am held much attraction for me beyond being a perfectly lovely time to be ensconced in the comfort of my own home, sitting in my underpants, contentedly worrying about something.
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  2. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    Maybe there is some solace to be derived in that: bacchanal or funeral, after enough time, the detritus looks the same.
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  3. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    It has been a good while since 12:00 a.m. held much attraction for me beyond being a perfectly lovely time to be ensconced in the comfort of my own home, sitting in my underpants, contentedly worrying about something.
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  4. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    In the right situation, highly formalized, high-suction ass-kissing not only comes all too naturally to me, it makes me breathless with a feeling of penitential power.
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  5. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    {L}ike most people, I like to think of myself as being spontaneous, ready for anything, fun. This is the evening's second hard-won insight: I am neither spontaneous nor ready for anything. I suspect that others would probably regard this news as about as momentous and surprising as when I decided to come out {which was about as momentous and surprising as if I had bravely announced to everyone that I had dark hair and opposable thumbs}. I am no fun at all. In fact, I am anti-fun. Not as in anti-violence, but as in anti-matter. I am not so much against fun-although I suppose I kind of am-as I am the direct opposite of fun. I suck the fun out of a room. Or perhaps I'm just a different kind of fun; the kind that leaves one bereft of hope; the kind of fun that ends in tears.
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  6. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    We have become an army of multiply chemically sensitive, high-maintenance princesses trying to make our way through a world full of irksome peas.
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  7. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    There is much in our culture to affront the eye of the fervent terrorist postulant, things out there that do us no favors, to be sure. If, for example, it came to light that the dangerously thin, affectless, value-deficient, higher aspiration-free, amateur-porn chanteuse Paris Hilton was actually a covert agent from some secret Taliban madrassa whose mission was to portray the ultimate capitalist-whore puppet of a doomed society with nothing more on its mind than servitude to Mammon and celebrity at any cost, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
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  8. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    It was turning out to be an anxious Christmas season. Too many were the early mornings spent sitting at the table, insomniac in the gray dawn, thinking to myself, Eggs would be good. Not for eating but for the viscous wrath of my ovobarrage. It seemed only a matter of time before I was lobbing my edible artillery out the window at the army of malefactors who daily made my life such a buzzing carnival of annoyance. I could almost feel the satisfying, sloshy heft of my weapons as I imagined them leaving my hands and raining down upon my targets: the pair of schnauzers two doors down, with their loathsome, skittish dispositions, barking and yelping all day long; their owner, with her white hair styled like Marlene Dietrich's in Blond Venus, who allows them to pee freely on the garbage that some poor sanitation worker then has to pick up; the leather-clad schmuck immediately next door, a cigar-smoking casual life-ruiner with his mufflerless motorcycle. All would taste my All Natural, Vegetarian Feed, Grade A Extra Large brand of justice!
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  9. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    It must be murder to be an aging beauty, a former Tadzio, to see your future as an ignored spectator rushing up to meet you like the hard pavement. What a small sip of gall to be able to time with each passing year the ever-shorter interval in which someone's eyes focus upon you. And then shift away.
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  10. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    I didn't always write for a living, and even back when it was my most fondly held dream to one day be able to do so, writing was difficult. Writing is like pulling teeth.From my dick.
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  11. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    I will stipulate to having both French sea salt and a big bottle of extra virgin in my kitchen. And while the presence of both might go some small distance in pigeonholing me demographically, neither one of them makes me a good person. They are mute and useless indicators of the content of my character.
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  12. David Rakoff _ Don't Get Too Comfortable: The

    Lenny Bruce described flamenco as being an art form wherein a dancer applauds his own ass.
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